What We Live For
by Jessi Knight
Summary: Kathryn Janeway arrives in the DMZ looking for her wayward sister, Phoebe, and ends up joining the Maquis and championing their cause. B'Elanna and Seska, two among the Maquis rebels, are in love... but is it real, or is B'Elanna being played for a fool by a cunning Cardassian spy who shares her bed? Femslash
1. Chapter 1

**Kathryn Janeway**  
Arriving by transport on the planet Volan III  
Volan System, within the Demilitarized Zone

* * *

"Well, I don't know. I think Gallist had a point about negative space. Take social interaction for instance: Isn't it just as important what we say as what we _don't_ say?" Kathryn asked as she got up and opened the compartment under her seat to get at the luggage she'd stowed there.

"And I'd say there's certainly truth in that, I just think he takes it a bit too far - gives it too much emphasis, if you know what I mean. After all, you can't actually judge anything by what's _not_ there alone, while you can judge it by what _is_ there. Take your example for instance. If someone simply says _nothing_ , assuming auditory communication only, what do you have to go on? You can make a blind guess based on whatever relevant past experiences you may have available to you, but that's really about it, isn't it? Now, on the other hand, if someone says, for instance, 'I wish the weather were nicer today' - even with something as trivial as that, you could draw far more of substance from that than you could with simply _silence_ , couldn't you? True, it's all still largely guesswork and supposition, but it's like the difference between having to survey one solar system looking for a particular element as opposed to an entire space sector." Chell replied.

His father had been the captain of a survey vessel, that Kathryn knew from earlier in their conversation. She laughed amiably. "When you're right, you're right. I concede the point." She swung her pack around behind her and fastened it around her waist.

"Why thank you, Kathryn. And may I say, it's been a pleasure talking with you." Chell replied with a thoroughly genuine smile.

She smiled to him and nodded. "Likewise." She said as she turned to exit with the other passengers, leaving Chell to retrieve his own luggage.

She'd never yet met a Bolian who didn't love to talk, and the one she'd been seated next to for the last five hours had been no exception. The latest topic had been spatial harmonics, as it applied to interior design. Now, she'd be the first to tell you that she had a pretty good handle on the principles of spatial harmonics - she'd even read a paper by Gallist, a Bolian artist who's field of expertise could most closely be compared to the art of feng shui in Taren culture. The article had been published in the Farringdon, a preeminent journal in the field of spatial physics that she'd subscribed to during her academy years. As far as what made a room look good though? She'd honestly never really given it all that much thought until now. Even when she'd been reading Gallist's paper, she could only truthfully remember thinking about it in terms of scientific theory rather than what those theories had actually originally been meant to be applied to. Head in the clouds, her mother would have said. She would have said she had aspirations of going a bit farther out than that. A trip to the Vasray nebula, preferably aboard a fully equipped science vessel, for instance, still ranked fairly high on her to-do list in life.

Nevertheless, she'd found she'd actually been grateful for the distraction Chell had so ably provided her for the last leg of her journey. She was still less than sanguine on the merits of what she was about to do. She could fool herself into thinking it might go some other way, but, as much as she gave herself credit for being a very convincing person when she wanted to be, she knew Phoebe enough to know that she was probably on a fool's errand.

The fact was, nonetheless, the idea of her sister out here in the middle of all of this had been making her sick to her guts for months now. She'd tried talking to her over subspace, tried to bury herself in her work, tried to justify not coming here every way she possibly could, but it had been no use. None at all. Her gut still felt twisted up inside every night as she'd gone to bed. This was family. Her little sister. She'd close her eyes and see Phoebe smiling to her and offering her an apple or a flower, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. She was that kind of person - generous to a fault, always seeing what was beautiful in the world... No, this was the only thing she could do, and she damn well knew it. On some level, Phoebe had to know it too, that's what was so frustrating in all of this.

Debarkation was a mildly slow affair, but she found herself among the first to set foot on the ground of Volan III's space port, many of the other passengers having more luggage than she'd brought with her to retrieve. She stood there a moment looking off at Mount Anwyn in the distance, people milling all around her. There wouldn't be anyone here to meet her, she'd hadn't told Phoebe she was coming - she knew that, if she had, her sister would easily guess why, and it would have only served to give her time to dig her heels in, and that was the _last_ thing she needed.

As a way cleared for her, Kathryn decided that the time for musing over such things was over, so she set her path and started walking with many of the other passengers towards the railcar that would take her down to Tinsley, the city in the valley below. Phoebe lived on a farm somewhere out into the wilderness around the city, she didn't know where.

Considering her options, she decided she'd just have to find someone who knew of her sister's whereabouts and make a friend.

With the Maquis presence in the area so thick though, she knew she had to be careful about all of this. She was a Star Fleet command officer on leave after all, and it was anyone's guess how that might play with the locals, given the current state of affairs.

Inside the railcar, she found a seat, took off her pack, and sat down by the window, leaning her pack against the car's wall under the window on the floor. No one sat down next to her before the railcar started moving, so she was left alone with her thoughts this time and found herself going over again just what she thought she might say to her sister when she found her... and just what she'd do if or when Phoebe didn't want to listen.

The time passed quickly on the short ride down to Tinsley and she soon found herself strapping on her pack and debarking again, this time onto a raised platform with stairs that led down to street level. She followed the flow of people down and, once at street level, looked around and tried to find a likely place to start her search.

She spotted a local cafe and decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to get something to eat while she looked for that new friend she hoped to find who'd help her locate her wayward sister.

She walked over, walked in, looked around, and went over towards the bar. There were about fifteen or twenty patrons, and several of them took notice of her. A few looked suspicious of her, but none looked hostile. The man behind the counter came over, offered her a greeting, which she returned, then she asked for a coffee. She hadn't decided what she wanted to eat yet. She turned around and looked out the window thoughtfully. A woman came over to her then.

"Hi there. New in town?" She asked in friendly fashion.

Kathryn turned and met her eyes. "That's me alright." She smiled to her, offering her hand. "Kathryn Janeway, pleased to meet you." She greeted, shaking hands with the woman.

A little of a bemused expression came over the woman's face. "Mariah Hanley, and likewise."

"I take it you're a native?" Kathryn asked as the handshake ended.

"Got that right." Mariah replied positively. "Care to join me for lunch? I'm good company?"

"I'd love to, thank you for offering." Kathryn agreed easily. Maybe finding that friend she'd been looking for was going to be easier than she'd thought? A bit of good luck, she always thought, never hurt anyone.

They went to sit down at one of the tables, Kathryn taking off her pack and sitting it on the seat next to her.

"So, what brings you way out to the boonies at a time like this, Kathryn Janeway?" Mariah asked right of.

Kathryn was surprised into a little of a laugh. "Don't beat around the bush, do you?"

Mariah smiled. "You wouldn't be the first to accuse me of being blunt occasionally, that's certainly true. So? You going to fess up?"

Kathryn shook her head a little and looked over and up as a waiter came over and offered her her coffee. "Thanks." She took it gratefully.

"Can I get you anything else?" The woman asked helpfully.

Kathryn thought a moment. "How about a bowl of the Kymanti stew, biscuits, and... maybe a small salad?" She asked.

The woman smiled. "Can do." She replied, turning to go report the order.

"They prepare everything by hand?" Kathryn asked Mariah.

"They do." Mariah replied.

"It's become something of a trend lately, hadn't it?" Kathryn mused.

"You don't approve?" Mariah asked.

"I never said that. I think it's a nice change of pace, in fact." She countered.

"A woman of adventure then. Good for you." Mariah approved.

"I try. Now, you'd asked me a question before... what was it again?" Kathryn ventured.

"I was wondering if you remembered." Mariah smiled, apparently enjoying herself now. "I asked what brought you here."

"Short answer? My sister." Kathryn replied, taking a sip of her coffee and thoroughly enjoying doing it.

"I have one of those. They can be a handfull." Mariah answered.

"They can at that." Kathryn replied. "But I love her dearly, all the same."

"What's her name?" Mariah asked.

"Phoebe. Her wife's name is Lauren, Lauren Jor." Kathryn volunteered.

"Hmm, they're homesteaders, right? From the farmlands further out?" Mariah ventured.

"That's them. Have you met?" Kathryn asked hopefully as her food came. Mariah already had a meal she'd been in the middle of, from the look of things.

"Only in passing a few times." Mariah ventured.

"So... you aren't in the Maquis with her then?" Kathryn asked plainly.

Mariah's eyes widened, then she smiled. "I guess I deserved that, didn't I?"

"Maybe just a little." Kathryn replied.

Mariah shook her head. "No, I'm not one... but your sister is?" Mariah asked.

"I'm afraid so." She admitted.

"And, am I to take it you don't approve?" Mariah asked carefully.

* * *

to be continued

and I'm always happy to get comments (even really short ones)


	2. Chapter 2

Kathryn shook her head a little. "On a personal level? Not in a million years. I hate the idea of her putting her life in danger like she is... Politically? It's hard to say, really." She replied.

"Hard how, exactly?" Mariah asked, still carefully.

"Exactly?" Kathryn considered her answer a moment. "Alright, since you asked... Generally speaking, it's easy to sympathize with both sides. I doubt very many people in the Federation don't have at least _some_ sympathy for them, whether they'd admit to it publicly or not. More specifically, on the one hand, the Maquis are clearly right that they have a legitimate grievance here - they got a bad deal when the peace treaty was signed. There's no way you can deny it, reasonably. At least if you've been raised on Federation values.

"Regardless of the larger picture, regardless of whether they, you, made the right choice to stay or not, regardless of who started what, or what anyone's intentions were going into all this, it's hard to really morally justify that the Federation has simply abandoned our own to fight for their very lives out here, especially against an enemy that's, by in large, notorious for lack of mercy towards their enemies. Being stubborn isn't a crime, and it certainly shouldn't be punished in a way that's far worse than the punishment we give to our worst criminals.

"But then... on the other hand, of course, those same Federation values I mentioned also tell me very strongly that diplomacy is a far better option than war, and that, sometimes, compromise and sacrifice are simply the price of that. By not acquiescing to the terms of the treaty, it's, in effect, creating a situation that could lead to a resumption of the war. Are the upset lives and livelihoods that would have been caused by abandoning these colonies worth the lives that would be lost and the sorrow and suffering that would result if the conflict here ignites another war?" She asked.

"A fair question, but..." Mariah shook her head. "As you said, as a rule, Cardassians don't have much in the way of mercy, do they? ...How much appetite do you really think a people like that have for peace, Kathryn?" She asked.

Kathryn regarded her and saw where her reasoning was going. "You think the peace treaty is only a tactic on their part, not any genuine desire for peace?" She replied. It had occurred to her too, and she knew the Federation council had to have taken the possibility into account when they'd made their decisions as well. There was no proof of it, no way of _knowing_ , not really, but, not to have strong suspicions? She wasn't nearly that naive. "That they saw they couldn't win by continuing the war, so they agreed to peace, but only to use the lull in the fighting to build up their forces again - is that's what you're getting at?"

"There's very little doubt of it, in my opinion." Mariah replied. "And, if that's the case..."

Kathryn smiled, recognizing that it was a logically sound argument, if still, in her opinion, an obviously imprudent one. "If that's the case, then it really doesn't really matter what the Maquis do. Oh, the Cardassians would posture, try to win concessions perhaps, but they wouldn't go to war over what's happening here. Not until they're ready, and they'd do that anyway. That's what you're getting at, I take it?"

Mariah nodded. "And the Federation knows it too, mark my words." She replied jadedly. "They're just hoping a taste of peace will give them a taste for it too. That the Cardassian people won't want to live through another round of the deaths and austerity that a resumption of the war would entail. They're looking for another success like the Khitomer Accords, and they're willing to hang us out to dry to get it. What they don't seem to understand is that Khitomer was based on something good - something _honorable_ , as the Klingons would say - and, like you said, there's nothing honorable about any of this. Bad foundations, the building falls. They're being fools."

Kathryn had to smile. "I have to say, you might just be right about that." She admitted. "That they're being fools in some respects, almost certainly I think." She said softly. Not that she honestly thought it was a good enough excuse for what the Maquis were doing in the final analysis.

"But you still think we're bigger fools too for sticking around and suffering the consequences, don't you?" Mariah asked.

"You said it, not me." Kathryn replied.

She shrugged. "You might be right." She admitted. "I don't think that's going to change much of anyone's minds though, so what are you going to do?"

 _What indeed?_ Kathryn wondered to herself. "I guess I'll find out." Was all she said. Privately, she had to admit that Mariah's arguments had swayed her thinking to an extent. Not enough for her to agree with her perspective, but enough to shift her own perspective to a degree... which was more than Phoebe had been able to do in all their long debates on the matter. Phoebe acted on her feelings, where Kathryn knew that, for herself, while, yes, life in Star Fleet had taught her to rely on her instincts, in the end, she liked facts. Always had.

Even instincts, she believed, were only facts when you got down to it. Millions of small pieces of information human beings take in that our minds and bodies process and make conclusions about somewhere on an unconscious level. Mariah seemed to be of a like mind on the matter, seeming to think in the same ways she herself did. Still, Mariah had also been right when she'd said that leaving, regardless of anything else, would be the better option. The trouble was, Phoebe probably wasn't going to give her the option.

Mariah laughed softly. "You know? I think I've decided I like you, Kathryn Janeway. I think we could even get to be friends."

"I'm game if you are." Kathryn replied.

"Well, in that case, I'll be friendly and remind you that you really should eat some of that stew before it goes cold on you." Mariah offered, resting her chin on a hand propped up on the table by an elbow.

"When you're right, you're right." Kathryn agreed, realizing again how hungry she was and eating some of her stew, closing her eyes as she took her first bite, and appreciating how good it was.

"Better than the replicated stuff, isn't it?" Maria asked.

"I won't argue the point." Kathryn replied. "Something tells me I wouldn't win."

Mariah laughed. "Now, see? With an attitude like that, you'd make a _terrible_ Maquis."

Kathryn shook her head. "That's unfortunate."

"Why?" Mariah asked.

"Because, unless I'm luckier than I think, it's very likely that's what I'll end up as soon enough." She told her with all honestly, the truth of that still not at all sitting right with her.

"I uh... think you're going to have to explain that to me." Mariah told her guardedly.

Kathryn sighed. "The reason I came here is to convince my sister and her family to leave the Demilitarized Zone with me... Whatever else, Mariah, she's the only sister I have. I... I just can't lose her. I can't stand the idea of..." She shook her head. "It's kept me up nights, and I've talked, begged, pleaded with her... she won't listen."

"But you think if you're here in person, she'll listen then?" Mariah asked, not unkindly.

Kathryn smiled. "I'm hoping she will. But, realistically? No, probably not..."

"So...?"

"So? Like the old saying goes: If you can't beat'm..." She left the thought unfinished.

"Join them?" Mariah asked, sounding a little unsure.

Kathryn tilted her head to the side a little. "She's family." Was all she said. And, really, that's what it came down to for her - politics and big picture thinking be damned.

"Huh... didn't see that coming." Mariah smiled, looking at her a little like she was really seeing her for the first time.

Kathryn smiled at the look. "I've been told more than once: I'm full of surprises." She told her, eating some stew.

"I'll bet. So then, I guess you'll be off to make your appeals when you've finished eating with me? Or, is it too far out for that?" Mariah asked.

Kathryn shook her head and swallowed. "Not that easy, I'm afraid. I've got to find her first." That, and it _was_ getting fairly close to sunset, and, privately, Kathryn would admit that she was pretty tired from all the traveling, and she'd gone probably about eighteen hours now without sleep. Hardly a personal record, but, she mused, she really would rather have a good night's sleep behind her when she confronted her sometimes flummoxing little sister.

Mariah looked at her, smiling a little. "You don't know where she lives? Your own sister?" She asked.

"You don't have to say it like _that_." Kathryn replied a little ruefully. "I know she lives near here on a farm. She used to live in Leonis, a port city on Tracken II." It was another planet in the DMZ. Phoebe had met her wife there and moved here with her after a while. "This is the first time I've visited since she moved to Volan III and settled on that farm a couple months ago, so I never needed to ask directions before, and... well, I didn't want to ask this time because, let's just say I thought the element of surprise might help my case."

"And how would it do that, exactly?" Mariah asked, clearly intrigued.

"We don't have a lot of things in common, my sister and me. We do have a _few_ things though, _stubbornness_ being foremost amongst them. Believe me, the less time I give her to... stew, the better my chances are going to be." Kathryn told her with a fond but also still rueful sort of smile, wondering obtusely at the fact that she's was currently _eating_ stew.

Mariah shook her head. "Well, you won't find many people around here that lack for stubbornness, as you might imagine. So, all things considered, you'll probably fit right in."

Kathryn laughed. "I might at that."

"...So listen, since it sounds like you'll be spending the night in the city, how about you stay the night with me and mine tonight? My husband would love the company, and I'll make sure my son doesn't interrogate you too badly." Mariah offered good-naturedly.

" _Interrogate_ me?" Kathryn asked curiously.

"He's curious. Very curious. I'm hoping it's going to blow over a little in a year or two." Mariah explained.

"Curious you say?" Kathryn ventured mildly, privately thinking that, just maybe, Mariah Hanley's son might be modeling his behavior in that regard after his obviously very inquisitive mother. Not that she considered that a bad thing.

"Do not say it." Mariah warned, eyes alight with humor.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I happen to think curiosity is a very fine sort of character trait to have. I've always had it in abundance myself. Why I was drawn to the sciences, and to Star Fleet. That, and a healthy appetite for adventure, I suppose." Kathryn admitted.

"Star Fleet, you say?" Mariah asked.

"I thought I should be up front about it, yes. Before I accepted your invitation." Kathryn admitted.

Mariah shook her head. "Plenty of former Star Fleet coming out here to, well, to join the fight." She replied. "You're still on active duty?"

"On leave." Kathryn replied.

"What rank?" Mariah asked.

"Captain." Kathryn replied. "My current assignment is the Billings. My ship's docked at Utopia Planitia for an overhaul at the moment, my crew on leave - throughout the Terran System mostly, I imagine. I ranged a little farther out, obviously."

"Fight in the war?" Mariah asked more soberly.

"Oh, yes." Kathryn admitted. "I have a few tall tales I could share, believe me. I came through it in one piece though... I'm fully aware of how lucky that makes me, and of how far too many weren't nearly so fortunate."

Mariah sighed. "Isn't that the truth."

Kathryn looked at her in a way meant to convey that she would listen, but that they could also let the subject drop if her new acquaintance would rather not talk about it.

"I told you I had a sister. At one time, I also had a brother." Mariah said. "And that's all I want to say about it right now." She told her, a certain sort of hollow darkness just evident behind her words that had Kathryn suspecting strongly that the woman across the table from her had told a boldfaced lie when she'd said she wasn't a member of the Maquis.

"My condolences." Kathryn told her simply, meaning it.

Mariah nodded and looked out towards the street. "So, how about it?" She asked after a long moment, turning back to meet Kathryn's eyes. "My offer's still good - will you accept?"

Kathryn smiled to her. "In fact I will." She replied.

And so it was, a course of action set for the immediate future, the two women shared the rest of their meal together and then headed out into the evening, towards Mariah Hanley's family home. As she walked beside the other woman, Kathryn found herself looking forward to meeting her new friend's family. She'd only actually ever spent time with one other family where the couple in question were heterosexual, and they had been Vulcans.

Oh, it was far from unheard of for men and women to couple in human society, and there were certainly no taboos against it, but the fact was that it just didn't happen very often, comparatively. There weren't any official statistics on the subject, and, she knew also, heterosexual couples did tend to congregate in certain regions and worlds more than others, so that cut down on the likelihood of encountering them more frequently as well, but she had heard some estimates putting the ratio at around two percent of the human race or so, with perhaps up to ten or fifteen percent being bisexual to one degree or another. There were no solid numbers on it though, the only data having been collected via small to mid-sized surveys run mostly by educational institutions for sociological purposes.

The part of her that enjoyed dabbling at times in sociology was interested to have an opportunity like this.

A short time later, they arrived at Mariah's home. "Mariah Hanley, authorization WG619." She spoke when they got to the front door, the door beeping and opening at the command. "Come on in." She offered Kathryn amiably.

Kathryn followed her in. The significance of Mariah having a security passcode for her own door wasn't lost on her. Most people didn't have one and, if they had any security on their door at all, usually just wore a small key charm somewhere on their person that functioned in a similar way to the comm badges she was used to wearing in Star Fleet. Those were easier to get around with certain types of scramblers than a security code was though, especially when also keyed for voice recognition. From the, admittedly sketchy, reports she'd heard, as well as the first hand reports related to her on her way here, there was, in effect, a small gorilla war taking place in the DMZ presently. If forces from one of the Cardassian colonies were to attack and land troupes in the city, Kathryn had to imagine a locked door that couldn't be circumvented with a scrambler would seem an asset to someone with a family to protect. She wondered if perhaps there were also security fields installed as well. She knew well enough that people in conflict zones during the war would often have them. Given what she'd learned of Mariah's history, Kathryn guessed she probably did as well.

A little boy ran up and hugged Mariah's legs, she laughed, Kathryn smiled fondly. "This is Casey, my son, in case you were wondering." Mariah informed a touch dryly.

"Who're you?" Casey asked, letting his mother's legs go and looking up at Kathryn with curiosity and just a little bit of a dare in his voice.

"Kathryn Janeway, pleased to meet you." She offered her hand for him to shake.

Not missing a beat, the boy stepped forward and shook it firmly. "Casey Hanley, good to meet you too."

"Kathryn's a new friend. She's here looking for a wayward sister of hers and I offered to put her up for the night." Mariah offered her son by way of explanation.

A man came in then following Casey. "And this is my husband, Daniel Jarvin. Daniel, Kathryn Janeway. I told her she'd have a place to stay with us for the night."

"Welcome. Good to meet you." Daniel offered his hand, a friendly, if noticeably guarded, smile gracing his face.

"Likewise. I appreciate the hospitality." She replied.

He nodded and Mariah showed Kathryn the rest of the way in. She and the family talked in the living area for an hour or so. Daniel excused himself to tuck his and Mariah's son into bed.

"You've got a wonderful family." Kathryn told her genuinely.

"Thanks, that's always nice to hear." Mariah replied with a little relief evident in her voice. That had Kathryn wondering if her new friend sometimes felt less than fully accepted because of her choice of life partner... Oh, she doubted there would be anything overt, but... from a sociological perspective, she knew that tolerance and acceptance weren't the same thing, that there were degrees of both, and that, while tolerance was easy to will yourself towards, true acceptance of others different than yourself was considerably less so. Star Fleet officers usually had little trouble with that, experience, training, and the kind of temperament needed to do the job working as natural counters to any such tendencies, but she knew everyday Federation citizens didn't always measure up to those same hight standards in day to day life. "I have a friend who'll know where to look for your sister." Mariah went on. "I'll talk to him and see about getting you on your way in the morning."

"I'm grateful, thank you." Kathryn replied.

From there, they talked a while longer until Daniel came back in and they said their goodnights, Mariah showing Kathryn to a guestroom for the night.

Alone, Kathryn got undressed enough to sleep comfortably and went straight to bed, falling off to sleep without any problems.

* * *

Some half hour later, Mariah Hanley came into her guest's room. "Kathryn? You still awake?" She asked softly.

Receiving no reply, she went over to her sleeping guest and, using a hypospray, injected her with a mild sedative to keep her blissfully asleep and unaware as she first took out a tricorder and scanned both Kathryn and her possessions, then, the device reading nothing of interest besides a standard Star Fleet issue comm badge and phaser (which she would have expected to find), went about searching through Kathryn's pack and discarded clothes.

That done, she sighed. She'd found nothing.

She'd had to look... Not that if this woman _were_ a Federation spy, she'd have really expected to find anything incriminating either, but then this wasn't the last of the precautions she and her fellow Maquis would take before letting Kathryn Janeway get any information about them that could compromise what they were trying to do. It did give her proof at least that Kathryn probably hadn't been lying about being a Star Fleet captain. They could do a lot worse than recruiting one of those into their ranks, for any number of reasons.

Satisfied, she put Kathryn's things back to rights and left.

Kathryn would wake the next morning none the wiser.

* * *

to be continued

and I'm always happy to get comments (even really short ones)


	3. Chapter 3

**B'Elanna Torrez and Seska Anise**  
Arriving at Tezat, a moon orbiting Veloz IV  
Veloz system, the Demilitarized Zone

* * *

B'Elanna watched the panels on her side of the cockpit in silence. They'd gone on silent running a short time ago, reducing life support systems to minimal levels and using only thrusters and momentum to carry them in towards Tezat, a mid-sized moon orbiting Veloz IV in the Veloz system. In another seven or eight minutes, they'd break atmosphere. She was watching scanners and keeping an eye on ship's systems while her copilot, Anise, was doing the actual piloting.

Their ship was a small two-person shuttle that could only manage warp four point six in a pinch (that had been three point two when she'd first gotten her hands on it, and she was proud of the improvement). The two of them were members of a Maquis cell based out of the Volan system (they were also in an increasingly serious romantic relationship, and had been for some time). Right now, they were here on a scouting mission, to confirm or refute suspicions that the Cardassian colonists in the area were using Tezat as a supply depot for arms coming in covertly from the Cardassian Empire proper.

She looked over to the woman next to her. "Anise?" She asked softly. There really wasn't any need to keep her voice down - it wasn't as though the sensors in that suspected arms depot would be able to hear her (even if she shouted at the top of her lungs), she just couldn't seem to help it.

"Yes, B'Elanna?" Her lover replied, a little distractedly, as she kept a sharp eye on her console, using the thrusters to manually guide them in.

"Nothing. I... I just..." She trailed off. This really wasn't the time for this.

"What?" Anise asked, just the hint of a smile on her lips as she picked up on B'Elanna's uncertainty.

Anise was like that, always picking up on every blasted thing, whether B'Elanna wanted her to know it or not. Either she was just very good at it, or, as B'Elanna had long suspected, she herself was simply very bad at hiding her emotions... Then again, perhaps it was both. B'Elanna sighed. "It's hardly the time, I know..."

"...Maybe not, but don't let that stop you." Anise replied, the smile growing a little, lighting up her face in that way that never failed to draw B'Elanna in. "I love a good inappropriately timed heart to heart chat as much as the next woman."

B'Elanna smiled a little to herself, stubbornly trying not to feel at all shy about what she was about to say and partly failing. "I just... you've practically moved in with me already, but... it's tight quarters, you know? I just thought... maybe it was time we got our own place together?" She asked, feeling nervous all of the sudden. She didn't like feeling that way. She just... she wasn't good at talking. Or, she was, just not about things like this. She could do the seduction thing (given that she was with the right woman), and she could talk about politics or engineering or, well, a lot of things. Just not this. Putting her heart out there wasn't easy for her.

Anise had been the one to pursue her initially. Though, once B'Elanna had decided to accept her advances, she'd fast come to delight in turning the tables on her when she was in the mood to. They'd burned hot in the bedroom pretty early on, that was easy and fun and felt so very good... just to have someone, you know? She'd been too long without anyone but an occasional night out that went nowhere before this... not since Star Fleet Academy and Olandre Vos (it hadn't ended well with her, so much so that she still had bad dreams about their last fight sometimes). Just like with Olandre though, she'd kind of lost her heart to Anise before she'd really realized it had happened, and now she couldn't stand the idea of pulling back. She was just that way about relationships, never having understood how so many other people could seem just so... casual about it all. How they, how Olandre in particular she supposed, could just end a relationship and move on the next day without it seeming to even slow her down... But, maybe it _had_ slowed her down and she just hadn't shown it though? B'Elanna liked to imagine that was true at least... In any case, she wasn't ready to go in all the way with Anise yet, she really wasn't, but she did want... more... She wanted something more definite, more of a commitment... She wanted to know she wasn't making an idiot of herself again for a woman who wasn't ever going to give her the life she wanted. She... wanted a wife one day, one who wanted her and no one else, one who would just... be there for her, all the way. She wanted to know she was on the right track to finding a love like that... That she at least had a chance at that, allowing that one of them didn't do something stupid enough to make them crash and burn anyway.

"...Hmm, well, I don't see why not. It makes a lot of sense actually." Anise replied, after having taken a moment to either consider things, or play hard to get... B'Elanna wasn't quite sure which to believe. Anise could be frustratingly inscrutable when she wanted to be... She wouldn't put up with it if it wasn't somehow also attractive to her for some reason... Maybe it was the Klingon side of her that liked the challenge of it or something, she didn't know... but Anise could be so sweet and romantic too, in these unexpected ways that just... melted her, really. That counted for a lot. "What, were you actually worried I'd turn you down or something?" She teased.

"I don't know... what if I was a little?" B'Elanna asked softly, a little of a smile on her own lips. She could tell she was being played with just a bit... not a bad thing, because Anise never did it in a mean way, just, you know... a flirty one.

"Then I'd say you should have more confidence in yourself... where my intentions are concerned, I mean. You already have more than enough confidence about other things, I think." She told her.

B'Elanna laughed. "I think I'll take that as a complement."

"As well you should." Anise replied.

B'Elanna relaxed in her seat, checking readings again. Good, now all she had to worry about was a moon full of vicious, possibly _very_ well-armed Cardassians... which was more than enough to worry about in a day for most anyone, when you thought about it. "Alright then." She said, somehow in a downright cheerful mood all of the sudden. Oh, maybe she _shouldn't_ feel that way, seeing as they might well be heading right towards certain death and all, but she did. Maybe that was the Klingon half of her too, she couldn't say, but right now? She'd take it.

They were silent for a time as they made their slow approach.

* * *

As they did Anise found herself unaccountably distracted. It shouldn't have been a surprise, she knew it shouldn't. It shouldn't be affecting her this way either, but she wasn't the type to delude herself into thinking it _wasn't_ affecting her the way that it was. And that was... it was a problem. "B'Elanna...?" She found herself saying, her voice soft.

"Yes?" B'Elanna asked back, her voice likewise soft.

Anise could hear the tentative trust and vulnerability there, and it... it moved her, because she knew how much it must be costing the woman next to her to give it. She'd researched B'Elanna's history, it had been a matter of course, and... while one part of her wanted to think B'Elanna a fool for opening herself up to that kind of trust in spite of that history, she found that a greater part of herself thought B'Elanna very courageous for doing it. Even if, she thought a bit self-disparagingly, it might well be true that she hadn't been exactly _wise_ in choosing the person to give that trust to. "Thanks for asking." Was all she said though.

It got a smile from B'Elanna that hit Anise hard and had her offering a shaky smile in return before turning back to her instruments.

"You're welcome." B'Elanna told her.

"...Atmosphere in six seconds." Anise told her.

"Ready." B'Elanna replied.

"Five, four, three, two... Entry." Anise spoke as their ship was slowly gripped by the planet below, acceleration subtly increasing. This was going to require precision and finesse on her part. Letting the planet pull them in, using the thrusters to slow their decent enough not to create enough heat that they'd risk detection from thermal sensors while keeping their approach vector on target and power usage low enough to minimize risk as well. They were approaching on the dark side of the moon, far away from the Cardassian base they were targeting. There was a sensor grid on this side of the planet. They didn't have full specs on it, but Anise well knew what they could most likely expect (as, to a lesser degree, did the Maquis). Any reasonably competent pilot, given access to the right intel, should be able to manage what she was attempting without trouble. Still, in her opinion, it was always wisest to act as if there were no margin for error, than to risk relying on having one.

The planet fall was largely silent, the two of them only speaking to convey status reports. Then the gravity window she'd been waiting for opened up and Anise eased off the thrusters, letting them fall a ways before gently slowing their decent and leveling them off close enough to the planet's surface to guarantee them no chance whatsoever of detection from here on to their definition. She completed the maneuver with so much grace and skill that they could barely feel any affect from it at all through the ship's stabilizers and internal dampeners, and that made her smile a soft, self-satisfied smile. She did enjoy having things to feel proud of... a common potential vulnerability in her people, she knew, but one she couldn't quite bring herself to truly fault, for all that it drove her towards excellence and achievement so.

"Have I ever told you what a smooth operator you are?" B'Elanna asked her, light and flirting.

Anise smiled to her, secretly _very_ pleased with the complement. "It... might have come up in conversation. Once or twice." She allowed, mentally recalling with perfect clarity their last night in bed together and how _excellently_ she'd performed then as well, how very easy it had been to lay B'Elanna out on the bed under her, say just the _right_ words softly in her ear, touch her in just the _right_ ways, evoking a night full of heat and passion between them that almost made her shutter again internally just in the memory of it... Maybe that was all it was, she thought? Just the sex? It was frankly _amazing_ sex... But no, she smiled ruefully to herself, telling herself again not to be a fool. No. No, even sex _that_ good couldn't account for how B'Elanna made her feel, and _certainly_ couldn't account for what she was starting to suspect those feelings might bring her to do. No... Somehow... somehow she'd fallen for the woman next to her - that, she was forced to admit to herself, wasn't really in question anymore. No, now she just had to commit herself to what she was going to do about it... Because, she somehow thought, she'd probably have to make that call soon, whether she wanted to or not.

"Worried?" B'Elanna asked softly.

"What?" Anise turned to her in surprise, for a second feeling very uncomfortably as though the woman next to her could see _right_ through her. "What... I, um, what do you mean?" She asked, trying to get her composure back.

B'Elanna looked a little confused a moment. "About the mission I mean." She explained. "You, um..." She smiled. "You had that look, like you were considering, well, being smooth... then you looked... worried." B'Elanna explained.

B'Elanna was only insecure, Anise realized with some relief - worried she'd gone too far with asking to share living arrangements. Anise smiled to her, composed and in control again. "You usually can't read me that well, you know." She told her. "I think I might be rubbing off on you a little." She told her - turning the truth into a lie (a long practiced tactic for her).

B'Elanna smiled. "Wouldn't _that_ be something." She told her, just a little mysteriously.

"It would." Anise allowed, fascinated by the idea despite herself. Why, she wondered, was B'Elanna always to frustratingly fascinating to her? She'd spent way too much time thinking about questions like that. "But, in any case," She sighed "you were right. I was worried." She told her softly.

"That's not like you." B'Elanna told her softly.

"You're right, It's not." Anise agreed, her voice just as soft. She turned to look to her companion and met her eyes. "Maybe... maybe I'm just... realizing how much I have to lose?" She told her, actually being absolutely honest this time.

"Oh..." B'Elanna replied, looking surprised but definitely in a good way. "Well then... I'm glad."

Anise laughed a little. "That I'm worried about losing you?"

B'Elanna renewed their eye contact. "That I'm not the only one who's worried about things like that."

"...You didn't think I was before?" Anise asked, actually a little hurt.

B'Elanna shook her head. "I didn't say that. It's just... nice to hear you say it, that's all."

"Oh..." Anise replied, feeling a small, uncharacteristic tug of guilt at that for some reason... They were both silent for several minutes. "I'm... I'm in love with you." Anise finally told her, not looking in her direction at first, then looking over and meeting B'Elanna's deep, dark eyes and knowing for certain all over again that what she'd just said was the truth, unqualified and undiluted. "I just thought you should know." She told her.

"...It's... It's mutual." B'Elanna told her, sounding shaky.

Anise found herself smiling and trying to hide just how unsteady she herself was feeling at the moment. "You're right... it is good to hear things like that out loud, isn't it?" She told her softly, surprising herself a little as she turned back to her instruments.

* * *

to be continued

and I'm always happy to get comments (even really short ones)


	4. Chapter 4

B'Elanna watched Anise a moment longer, then turned back to check her readouts. She felt like she'd just been gut punched and was trying to get her breath back and her fists up. She took a steadying breath and looked back over to Anise.

"Are we close?" Anise asked her.

"Huh?" B'Elanna asked dumbly.

Anise smiled over to her. "To out landing coordinates?" She asked, a little bit of a tease back in her voice.

B'Elanna found herself smiling back, reassured to be on more familiar ground again. Anise teasing and flirting was what she was used to. That was easy, and fun. The other stuff was... really nice (more than really nice)... but, well... she wasn't really sure she was ready to hear it (as frustrating as that failing was to acknowledge to herself). "Oh, right... landing coordinates." B'Elanna replied. "I hadn't realized we'd changed topics." She teased back, trying to focus back on what they were here for, double-checking their ETA quickly on her console. "We're three minutes out, give or take." She told her.

"Right on target then." Anise replied.

"Looks like." B'Elanna replied, feeling her skin heat and wondering again at how Anise managed to put more than one meaning into almost everything she said. Still, what she'd said before... the meaning there hadn't been unclear at all. It was clear, cornice, very unambiguous... and the tone of her voice? B'Elanna knew she'd meant every word. She found herself smiling... _In love_... the words had so much power to them, didn't they?

Three minutes later, Anise had found them a landing spot within a dip it the terrain that would hide their ship from view from the mountains beyond. The small mountain range before them ringed Telral valley on the north and south sides. The valley was where the supply depot that they suspected was also an arms depot was located, and the mountains that ringed it on two sides gave them the cover they needed for a unobserved approach (assuming, of course, there were no nasty surprises waiting for them). "All systems down?" Anise asked as she turned in her chair towards her.

B'Elanna nodded. "We're good."

"Good. Let's gear up then." Anise replied as she got up.

"Right." B'Elanna replied, following her back in the ship's cabin to get out their outdoor gear and supplies. Anise had opened an overhead compartment and was getting down one of the bags. B'Elanna watched her as she sat the bag down on a bench and took the opening to wrap her arms around her lover from behind and kiss the skin of her exposed neck. She felt like pushing her a little right now, and knew she wouldn't be able to give the mission her full attention if she didn't listen to her heart and give into her desires first, even just a little, to hold her over... But the way Anise's body was arching into hers told her that a little might not be enough for either of them. She felt herself growl a little and felt self-conscious about it. She still didn't really completely like the part of herself that had instincts like that... She was trying to get over it, but she knew she hadn't really succeeded as much as she might have liked to. She knew it was pointless to deny who she was though, especially about things like this. Oh, she could force herself not to growl when she wanted to, even though it was hard at times - she had before, with Olandre, who had always been a little shy of her (though she'd often professed not to be). Anise though... even from the start, Anise had made her feel safe to be herself. She'd... never had that with Olandre, or... with anyone else, really, now that she thought of it. Not so much as this anyway... She wanted to think that was a good sign. And, in any case, it did feel nice... to feel free to let lose her control as much as she could with her, when they were alone like this...

"Take me?" Anise asked her softly, her breath noticeably starting to come faster.

At the words, heat flooded B'Elanna's body and she... she bit her. Tasted blood and was shocked enough to stumble back away, her back thudding against the opposite wall. "I'm so sorry..." She told Anise in a small voice as their eyes met, fearing that she'd just ended things between them when they'd only just really started. She hadn't even thought about it, she'd just acted... _so stupid_...

Anise's eyes darkened. "Don't be." She said in a low voice and she was across the cabin in a heartbeat, her lips and body hard against B'Elanna. The taste of the blood on their lips didn't stop her, and the B'Elanna felt her mind go blank as she growled again, lower and deeper, turning Anise around so she had her against the wall, kissing her again and again, touching her, trying to get at more of her skin, ripping her clothes when they wouldn't give way fast enough. "Don't stop." Anise whispered into her ear and soon, somehow, they were on the floor, just going at each other in a way B'Elanna had never experienced before. In the back of her mind, a part of her was still telling her to stop, to be more... human about this, but, for once, she had no interest in listening. And, when Anise bit her too, something just... clicked for her.

This was right. It was so... right.

* * *

Some good while later, both of them slick with sweat and smelling of sex, Anise was laying on top of her lover, lazily kissing and feeling satisfied and also... kind of obtusely smug that she'd gotten B'Elanna to let go that much. To say it had been thrilling would have been an understatement... "You know, it strikes me that it's very fortunate we brought extra changes of clothing."

To that, B'Elanna giggled in surprise and lay her head back, looking kind of lost.

"Hey." Anise caressed her cheek and cradled her chin, moving forward a little to look down into her lover's eyes. "Talk to me." She instructed gently, aware that this was the time for delicacy and understanding instead of flirting. Not that she couldn't think of about fifteen different ways to flirt right about now, any of which she would have loved to try out. Flirting with B'Elanna...? It was probably the most enjoyable... well, no, actually the _second_ most enjoyable activity she'd yet to encounter in her life. She very much doubted she'd ever tire of it.

"Did... did I ruin things?" B'Elanna asked.

Anise smiled softly at that, unaccountably touched by the sentiment. Good sense told her she should see what B'Elanna had just said as a weakness, and maybe it was, but then... maybe there was something to be said for feeling weak at times? For letting yourself _be_ weak? "Did I do or say anything - anything at all - to make you wonder if you might have?" She asked with all sincerity, holding B'Elanna's eyes and making sure she knew that she was being very serious at the moment.

"No, you..." She smiled then, a small sort of pleased smile. "You really didn't."

"Then... believe it, alright?" Anise told her. "You're... you're not imagining things. You... really aren't." She told her, dreading how true what she was saying actually was.

B'Elanna reached a hand up and cupped the back of her head, bringing her down for a kiss. Anise was more than content to let her. In fact... after what they'd just done together, she was starting to wonder if she'd ruined herself for other women. She'd never had a lover like B'Elanna before, and, damn it to any hells you could name, did she very much not ever want to give her up. And... not just for the sex either. "Does it mean something?" She found herself asking, even though she knew the answer. B'Elanna didn't _know_ she knew the answer though, and she wasn't about to let on. "The bites?" She asked softly, deeply curious as to just how her B'Elanna would reply.

"...To Klingons, you mean?" B'Elanna asked, and Anise could tell the question wasn't an easy one for her lover.

"Mm, yes, but we don't have to talk about it if you'd rather not?" She offered, giving her an out.

"It doesn't matter." B'Elanna replied. "It... it means whatever we want it to mean." She told her.

Anise smiled. "That... is a very good answer." She told her, kissing her again and suddenly finding herself turned over onto her back, a very, very... very sexy half-Klingon looking down intensely into her eyes. She swallowed, feeling heat and yearning flush and ignite all over again, all the way down to her toes. "Have..." Her heart was beating so fast now. "Have I told you yet how very amazing you are as a lover?" She told her.

B'Elanna smiled a little shyly at that and kissed her with a soft, yielding passion that surprised Anise and took her breath away.

* * *

B'Elanna got lost in the kiss, floored at how she was feeling. She'd avoided the question Anise had asked her before, but... the truth was... maybe it did mean something? She knew... she knew she was all the sudden feeling much more... something... towards Anise than she could remember feeling before. She tried to think of a word for it, but none of the words sounded right. Maybe there was a Klingon word for it that she didn't know? Or, maybe one she'd forgotten? Whatever it was... she felt it. She wanted it, she found. She wanted to, hell... propose marriage? Could she do that? No... no, not yet, but... No, she didn't want that yet, did she? She growled a little in frustration and backed away from the kiss. "We... we should get cleaned up and... and get going." B'Elanna told her.

"After." Anise told her, surging up and capturing her lips, drawing her back down on top of her. "If you don't make love to me again, I won't forgive you." B'Elanna heard the words whispered in her ear and it made her forget any ideas of propriety she might have had left by this point.

And so it was an hour later, after taking turns in the small on-board sonic shower, donning new sets of clothing, and outfitting themselves for the climb and the mission ahead, B'Elanna found herself starting the long hike with her lover by her side and all sorts of thoughts occupying her mind. So much for the brilliant idea that sex would help me focus _more_ on the mission, B'Elanna thought to herself in frustration as she took Anise's hand and climbed up over a rock, unable to stop her eyes from noticing Anise's lips and the way they looked so damned inviting...

Once they left the ship, they were both keeping silent, only whispering if they needed to. It was probably a wasted precaution, but it was one Anise insisted on. Anise was always the type not to leave things to chance on missions like this, and B'Elanna had gained an appreciation for the approach over the missions they'd gone on together in the past.

What they were doing now was only a matter of likely outcomes and they both knew it. It had been _likely_ that a Cardassian ship wouldn't be in the Veloz system and in a position to spot them as they'd approached Tezat. It had been _likely_ that the Cardassians hadn't installed more a more advanced or comprehensive sensor net around the moon than they'd planned for. It had been _likely_ that no one from the depot in the valley would actually be stationed on or out walking along the mountain ridge where they were approaching from because the base they were approaching didn't have that many personnel on it, as far as they _knew_. It was _likely_ no one was out there looking for them in the dusky half-light that this part of Tezat was usually in (when not obscured from the star's light completely by the planet Tezat orbited). And, likewise, it was just as likely that that the wind wouldn't carry their voices far enough to be overheard by anyone in the valley beyond, but they'd _had_ to risk those first three likelys, and they certainly would have to risk a few more before this was over, so, when you thought about it, why _not_ give themselves the best chance they could? She had similar enough practices when it came to fixing starships (anyone sensible would). That it also gave her some quiet time to let her emotions settle within her a little was neither here nor there of course...

The strange thing was that the stretches of silence and the occasional whispered words between them soon began take on an almost ethereal quality for B'Elanna. Like... it all wasn't quite _real_. Stealing into enemy territory, just the two of them set against an enemy stronghold likely more than thirty soldiers strong. The dim light, the fleeting moments of eye contact, the stolen touches and helping hands offered on their way up... It was more the stuff of Klingon love ballads than Terran fairy tale romances, B'Elanna knew, but... somehow she had less of a problem with that than she might have guessed she would have if someone had told her this was going to happen to her even a few months prior.

She still remembered some of the stories her mother had told her as a girl, still thought she could recall with perfect clarity the sound of her mother's voice as she told them... would her mother be proud of her if she heard _this_ story? _Her_ story? A part of her wanted to think so, and a spiteful part of her told her that it didn't matter because she didn't _care_. As she caught Anise's eyes again as they made their way through a new warren of rocks on their way up though, B'Elanna felt her skin heat all over again and knew she was... very much in love, and, despite herself, she... she wanted to share that with other people. Even her mother. Even if... even if it was just to prove something to herself. Maybe... maybe to prove that she wasn't afraid of failing her anymore.

The climb was a long and drawn out one and, somewhere along the way, planetary eclipse had begun, shrouding Tezat in darkness for the next thirteen hours or so. They'd both put on their night vision goggles and had continued to make headway. The way back would either be just as long, or, if they were discovered and needed to use their communicators to call back to their ship for an emergency auto-piloted transporter pickup, very short.

Near the top, they found a likely spot, hidden from view, and bedded down for some sleep. "Five hours?" B'Elanna asked in a whisper.

"I'd be more comfortable with four." Anise replied.

"Agreed then." B'Elanna answered, taking off her pack and the belt that had her phaser, tricorder on, and a few or her tools on it. She sat down on the ground. It wasn't going to be a very comfortable sleep. They had no bedding - no coverings because the moon's ambient temperature was hot enough that any coverings would be more irritant than comfort, and no padding because they were traveling light so they could move faster.

Anise came up behind her then wrapping her arms around her from behind, getting close, just snuggling for a long, mutually enjoyable moment. "...The more I think about it, the more I like this mutual cohabitation idea of yours." She whispered into B'Elanna's ear. She sounded playful, but B'Elanna was fairly certain she was also being completely sincere... though, admittedly, she wasn't nearly as good at telling those sorts of thing where her lover was concerned as she'd like to be. Maybe she'd get better at it more swiftly, now that they'd be living together? She... she did hope so. Or... maybe... maybe Anise would simply start to let down her guard around her more? It... did seem like that might be what was happening. Maybe they'd both do more of that now...? Maybe it was time...?

"Me too." B'Elanna replied, noticing with a bit of amusement that her voice had actually sounded kind of shy just then. It was an uncomfortable thing for her to realize, but one she firmly decided she wasn't going to hide from. Not here and not now... Alone in the dark on a faraway moon where they could both die in the morning, there just didn't seem to be any more point to denying something like that was real.

"...Then, with that very endearing agreement in place, I'd say it's time we got some sleep, isn't it?" Anise replied, her voice even softer than before, making B'Elanna shiver with a whole host of imagined subtext for her to wonder at.

She smiled softly to herself. "It is at that." She told her, liking how much more secure in her relationship she felt since what they'd shared on the shuttle... both the accepted proposal on their living arrangements, and... what had happened later. Especially... especially, she thought, what had happened later...

It had been... freeing. To have finally let all her secret desires lose with someone and... to have been accepted, even desired for them. She... it wasn't that she wanted it to be like that for them all the time, but... she knew she had that part of herself inside. Knew too that it wasn't going away, not for all the many times in her life she'd wished it would.

She and Anise settled in together for the night then, just holding each other close. "Good night." B'Elanna told her. "I love you."

"...I love you too, B'Elanna. I think... I think I always will." Anise told her softly.

B'Elanna lay there, startled and stunned by those last words until she noticed that Anise had fallen asleep next to her. She decided to stop thinking then and cuddled in closer to her lover, trying to get as comfortable as she could.

From there, it only took her a minute or two to fall off to an untroubled sleep.

* * *

to be continued

(comments always welcome)


	5. Chapter 5

**Kathryn Janeway**  
The residence of Mariah Henley and family  
The city of Tinsley, a Maquis settlement on the planet Volan III  
Volan system, within the Demilitarized Zone

* * *

Kathryn woke the next morning, feeling groggy and it took an effort for her to master her will against the desire for more sleep - likely more from dread over the impending confrontation with her sister than from the physical strain she'd put herself under the last few days by going without sleep as much as she had. Still, if Star Fleet had taught her one thing more than any other, it was how to push past self-doubts and master her will and determination to achieve an objective. A fact, she realized with some shame, that might well soon become all too ironic.

But, none the less, so it was that she was dressed and ready for the day when Mariah Henley came to her door and invited her down to breakfast with her family. "Sleep well?" Mariah asked as they went downstairs towards the dining area.

"I did, in fact. Thank you again for offering to put me up for the night." Kathryn answered.

"You're quite welcome." Mariah replied with her usual easy good humor. "I reached out to that friend of mine I told you about by the way. He's uh, he'll be stopping by this afternoon to meet you." She told her, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and leaning against a wall to regard her.

Kathryn stopped too, naturally, and met Mariah's eyes in question. Then understanding took. "Ah, I see. Can I take it your friend... knows some of the same people my sister does?"

"That might be a safe assumption." Mariah replied. "That's just what it's like in the colonies. I don't know if he's with them or not, and I've never asked, but..."

"But if he's not, then he has the ear of someone who is, is what you're saying."

Mariah smiled. "That might be a safe assumption."

Kathryn sighed. "I was rather hoping to sidestep complications like this, at least at first. But, I expect it can't be avoided at this point, can it?"

Mariah shook her head. "I wouldn't try if I were you."

"And nor will I." Kathryn replied.

There was the sound of plates being sat out in the dining area. "Shall we eat?" Mariah asked.

"Lead the way." Kathryn allowed graciously. Privately, she thought there was a fair likelihood that both Mariah and this friend of hers _were_ actually Maquis, not just innocent colonists who knew people. There was no way to know for certain either way of course, but Mariah's advice had been good: the safest thing for her to do was to operate on the assumption that they were and chose her words, and actions, carefully. She had to assume they, the Maquis, suspected her of being with Federation Intelligence. Having family here might buy her leeway in that respect, but she also had to assume it might likely buy her suspicion as well. After all, if she _were_ with Federation intelligence, as unscrupulous as using a family connection to attempt to more easily illicit trust might be, it could be just the sort of tactic Star Fleet Intelligence might consider using if the stakes were high enough... and the stakes here were life and death, perhaps even war and peace.

As she sat down for breakfast with the Henley/Jarvin family, Kathryn noticed one face she'd not yet seen. Mariah noticed and looked guilty. "I'm sorry. I guess you haven't met my youngest yet, have you? She was already in bed when we got in last night." She went over and picked up the little girl who was the only one sitting at the table so far, taking her in her arms. The girl smiled and submitted to being held by her mother without protest but didn't say anything. "This is Lily. Lily my girl, say hello to Kathryn Janeway, a new friend of mine."

"Hi." Lily said, sounding shy.

"Hi Lily, it's a pleasure to meet you." Kathryn replied with a warm smile for the little girl, coming up closer to the mother and daughter.

Lily just looked at her curiously, like she wanted to answer back, but wasn't sure how to or what to say precisely.

"She's a shy one. Haven't a clue where she gets it from." Daniel Jarvin spoke up, teasing his wife just a little as he came in with the food and began setting it out on the table.

"Some days she doesn't talk at all. Just stays in her room with coloring books and stuff." Casey told them, entering the room as well, only paying half attention, the rest of his attention clearly on the prospect of food. "I think it's weird."

"None of that, son. We've talked about this." Daniel reproached.

"Sorry." Casey said perfunctorily, sounding well-used to (and somewhat inured of) apologizing for speaking thoughtlessly, turning and heading to the kitchen, probably to get something he wanted that wasn't out on the table yet.

Daniel just shook his head a little ruefully and went after him. "How about we sit down?" Mariah offered, clearly a little uncomfortable.

"Alright." Kathryn agreed, doing as asked. Clearly, the subject of Lily's shyness wasn't a comfortable one.

From there though, things seemed to smooth out into a more comfortable mood. Breakfast was graced with both good food and enjoyable conversation. Lily seemed to smile a lot, following the conversation avidly, and paying rapt attention, but turning shy and withdrawn whenever her brother Casey, or Mariah herself, tried to draw her out in some way. They only tried in small ways, but Kathryn could tell their failures bothered both of them (all be it in different ways). Conversely, Daniel Jarvin seemed very easy going and largely content in life, though the one time that the subject of the Cardassians was brushed upon, Kathryn did see the hint of a darkness well concealed in his eyes and suspected that one of the things that might bind Mariah and her partner together could be loss of a similar nature.

As breakfast ended, Mariah asked Kathryn if she'd care to accompany her to a town meeting. To get the lay of the land, as it were, while she had the time and opportunity. Kathryn suspected it was something of an intentional ploy, both to further ingratiate her to the Maquis cause by making her neighbors and their concerns more real to her, as well as to more fully tease out her trustworthiness in the bargain. There was a certain... hidden deliberateness about Mariah that strongly led Kathryn to think that was the case. Not that she'd credit Mariah with being a cold, calculating manipulator of any sort, certainly not, but well, when the stakes got high, it was often the case that means and ends would out, despite our better angels. In any event, whether it was a ploy or not, Kathryn couldn't fault the logic of it, nor could she deny that it worked towards her own ends as well.

The better she understood these people, the better position she'd be in to argue her case with her sister, and... the better position she'd be in to find a place among them, should her final entreaty fail.

As they walked to the event though, Kathryn couldn't help but notice Mariah's slight awkwardness and thought she knew the reason for it. "Mariah... I know we've just met, but... if you want someone to listen?" She offered.

Mariah sighed, looked over at her, then ahead of them to the street ahead. They had about a ten or fifteen minute walk ahead of them until they got to the town hall, and her new acquaintance seemed to be talking a few moments to consider her words. "I feel like I'm failing her as a parent sometimes." She said, keeping her eyes forward.

"Why?" Kathryn asked simply.

Mariah shook her head. "I... can't seem to connect with her, you know? None of us can. She doesn't make friends, she... I think she wants to, but... We've taken her to a counselor, I've asked my friends for advice... They all tell me it's not my fault, that it's just the way she is, that I should accept her for who she is and I do, I want to, I love her so, so much it literally _hurts_ sometimes..." She trailed off, actually wiping a few tears from her eyes. "I'm... I'm just not built for this. I'm not built to not..."

"Try to fix things?" Kathryn offered.

"Yes." Mariah admitted, looking over to her a little hesitantly. "You understand?" She asked.

"Oh, very much so. I think we're probably a lot alike that way, in fact. I noticed it when we met. I think we think close to the same way, actually. Or, at least, approach life in similar ways." Kathryn offered.

"Is that your clever way of saying you've got no good advice to offer me?" Mariah asked, a little of a smile on her lips.

"No... although I suppose I should offer a disclaimer of the kind if you'd like me to give advice a try?" She ventured.

"Accepted." Mariah replied. "Tell me what you've got."

"Alright, then... Well, there is a certain trick I like to use when I've got a particularly stubborn sort of problem to puzzle out: I try to turn the problem on it's head, then shift my perspective one way or another depending on what I find. For instance, you're operating on the premise that Lily's shyness is the problem, and finding a way to draw her out is the solution..." She offered by way of leading.

"So... what? If I flip that around, then... Lily's shyness is the solution, and finding a way to draw her out is the problem?" Mariah asked.

" _Exactly_." Kathryn replied.

Mariah slowed and stopped, Kathryn following suite. Mariah was clearly giving it some real thought. She looked up then and met Kathryn's eyes. "But... how does that help me though?" She asked.

"So far, you've tried to encourage her to do the things she's _not_ doing - what if you encouraged her to do the things she _was_ instead?" Kathryn ventured.

"Accept her for who she is, in other words." Mariah said, sounding disappointed. She sighed and started walking again.

"Nothing so passive, no." Kathryn replied, falling into step at her side again. "I'd suggest instead being actively proud of her for being who she is. Perhaps even emulating her behavior back to her at times, under the heading of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, as well as possibly letting you get more of a glimpse into her perspectives on things. I mean to say, assuming you're right that she actually does want to be more outgoing, to make friends... and I think it's likely that you _are_ right about that, then one of the things a person needs most to do those things is confidence and a surety of self as a foundation to start from. If you can manage to help her _gain_ those... then maybe Lily will learn to solve whatever issue's holding her back for herself as a natural consequence?" She ventured.

"...Huh..." Mariah said, looking over at her and then back ahead of them as they walked.

"What?" Kathryn asked, curious and, as Mariah seemed to have a curious talent for evoking in her, also a little bit bemused.

"Nothing. I was just thinking... you must be a hell of a star ship captain, that's all." Mariah answered.

Kathryn chuckled just a little at that. "I'd certainly like to think so, thank you. You think my advice might be helpful then?"

"You know, I think it just might at that." Mariah replied as they walked on.

* * *

to be continued

and I'm always happy to get comments (even really short ones)


End file.
